I found a personal home page that gives some advice I really agree with. It was put up by Jeri-Lynn Johnson, and here's what she says:

1. The most important thing you can do for your friend in crisis is to LISTEN! Your friend in crisis needs to talk about it. Often, just the act of speaking everything that is on one's mind is enough to help that person see things more clearly and find solutions without your intervention.

2. Don't give advice unless you are specifically asked for it. Even then, don't be surprised or offended if it is ignored. Your friend really doesn't want your advice. What is really needed is the opportunity to express one's feelings and have those feelings validated.

3. Don't try to solve your friend's problem. Your role is to show your friend you care by being there and supporting whatever decisions are made. You can't "fix" it and you shouldn't try.

4. Don't say, "I know how you feel." Unless you have actually experienced exactly what your friend is going through, you don't know how that person feels - they know it and they'll resent you presuming to know. Instead say something like, "I can only IMAGINE what you must be going through."

5. Don't say, "If you need anything call me." I guarantee you'll never get that call. People don't like to intrude on others or be a burden. They secretly hope you will see what is needed and offer assistance. When no help is offered, the person will just dig in and do it himself. Instead, tell your friend specific things you are willing to do, such as:

"I go to the grocery store every other day. Call me if you want me to pick up some groceries for you."

"Why don't you let me drive your carpool this week."

"How about letting me bring you dinner Thursday night? If not Thursday, when?"

I've been a Scientology Volunteer Minister for many years, and I have run into the same kinds of situations Jeri-Lynn describes here. By studying the Scientology Handbook, which is the text the Volunteer Ministers study, I have also gained a greater understanding on how to help people even more effectively.